what's your score?

the walking wounded jpeg

i mentioned this before, but in june of ’07 we hosted a 1/2 day workshop here in denver called the walking wounded, for those who were burned out, beat up by “church” in some way, shape or form.  it was actually a really fun morning, lots of laughing & lots of healing in different ways. last week hanging out with my fav friend phyllis i remembered this funny checklist karl & i shared at the beginning of our time together & thought that it might make some of you laugh. it’s not for everyone; if you don’t consider yourself somehow one of the walking wounded, you won’t get it. but if you would have been a participant, you’ll know what we’re talking about.  remember, it’s all in good fun. i of course love the church otherwise i wouldn’t be doing what i am doing. but the messed-up systems that have infiltrated it sure give us some amazing fodder!

anyway, what’s your score? 🙂

i have had a lot to drink immediately after a church meeting (10 points)

i have had a lot to drink immediately before a church meeting. (25 points)

i have been to five or more church growth conferences or seminars. (15 points)

the last time i heard the words “church growth” i threw up a little in my mouth. (BONUS: 50 points)

i have been told by others “you need to just ________” and then you’ll feel better (10 points)

i have imagined a felony act with specifics against a former church or church leader (10 points)

i have committed a felony against a former church or church leader (40 points)

i have imaginary heated arguments with church leaders where i always win. (10 points)

i have imaginary heated arguments with church leaders where i never win. (25 points)

i have had a goodbye luncheon at a mexican restaurant (25 points)

my pharmacist is my spiritual director (30 points)

Kathy Escobar

Kathy Escobar is dedicated to creating safe and brave spaces for transformation and healing in real life and online. She co-pastors at The Refuge, a Christian community and mission center in North Denver and is the author of Practicing: Changing Yourself to Change the World, Faith Shift: Finding Your Way Forward When Everything You Believe is Coming Apart and several other books.

20 Comments

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  • Gosh…according to this quiz…I’m not that wounded. I guess it applies more to having worked at the church.

    10pts for being told repeatedly by my mother that I just need to find a good church with some good christian people and then I’ll feel better. I guess in some ways she was right…but I don’t think this is what she had in mind:) That makes me even more happy!

    I loved the one about the going away luncheon at the mexican restaurant:)

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    • ROFL. I know I’m late to this party but I just had to say that I hear that line often from my Mom…the whole “You just need to find a good church with some good people”…the implication being “Voila! All your problems (i.e. lack of social life, loneliness, etc) will be solved!”

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  • 115, unless I count per incident, then it would be in the 1,000’s due to multiple episodes of imaginary felonies and arguments and non-imaginary meeting-related drinking.

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  • I guess that “and I didn’t even get a kiss” would be a bit too graphic. This is a wonderful list. I also think that there is a book here.

    Peace

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  • Thanks for the article at Emergent Village . . . that’s what led me here. This was great – I think I passed, if a high score is good!
    Blessings, Jim

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  • Er, maybe the workshop would have been helpful for me.. hehe. 225…. *GULP* So funny!

    I am sure we could all add a few more… 🙂

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  • Wait, minus the felony for 40. 😉 Maybe I am not that damaged.. hehehe

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  • So, what happens with the perfect score ?

    The funny thing about this, if can find some humor and I need to right now, today was a day for the record books concerning church and staff.

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  • 120 – unless, like Grace, you count per incident, then it would be hard to calculate. How many points if you participated in a legal action against your former church leaders and church?

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  • I got a fairly respectable 95, and I’m wondering if that’s a good or bad thing…

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  • Over 100…with the following notations:

    1. I have had a lot to drink DURING a church meeting (or two)

    2. My goodbye luncheon was at an Irish/Polish Pub.

    3. My spiritual director is an atheist bartender.

    Reply
  • i don’t know what it was about this one, but i was chuckling all day yesterday about this list, i had totally forgotten about it. i needed a laugh! thanks for your comments. i know you could add a few other wing-dingers, that is for sure.

    mak – i knew this one would make you laugh!

    lisa – yeah, i think a lot are more focused in that direction for sure. your addition cracks me up. yeah, if she only knew what “kind” of christians you got hooked up with! 🙂 don’t tell.

    mike – welcome! yeah, that one is my very favorite. that was the one that had me chuckling the most yesterday.

    grace – 🙂

    john – i knew you’d get a kick of out of this one. hope we can hang out soon.

    jim – welcome, glad you stopped by, nice to hear from you here. i need to post that EV blog here this weekend, i forgot! well i don’t know if it’s good or bad, but a high score definitely means you’re in good company around here. hope to hear from you again.

    stacy – way to go, getting to deduct some in the end, was it a misdemeanor instead? 🙂

    jeff – oh i have to tell you, just reading that made my stomach go in knots. ugh, sorry. i so don’t miss that kind of stuff. glad you got a laugh out of this in the midst…sometimes that’s all we can do, it’s all so ridiculous.

    katherine – i am thinking some serious extra points & a seat in the front row at the walking wounded workshop. i am always reminded how sucky it got (and continues to get) for so many….ugh.

    amy – glad it made you laugh…

    heather – 🙂

    randy – toooo funny….

    Reply
  • This test is a little too challenging …. next time could you post a test on “Messed Up Systems 101”?

    This would be one of the few exams I sat and got OVER 100!!!! Can I get a Diploma – please? I need some academic qualifications to make me feel more humble. Tah.

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  • I’m sending the test results to my Mom!

    She always said I would never make it in anything and now for the first time I scored 100% Yipee!!!!!!!

    Hey Randy – so you also have a Church in da Pub! 🙂

    Reply

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