this upcoming sunday is a happy day for a lot of women i know. breakfast in bed, no chores, flowers, handmade cards. i never want to dismiss the awesomeness of mothers and that they get a day of extra-special love for all their hard work day in and day out. for me, with 5 kids, i always get some more-than-usual-sweetness and am so grateful for it; but both jose’s mom and my mom live close so we are caring for them too. this year to top if it off, it’s also jose’s birthday so it’s extra crazy.
i also know that this sunday can be a really hard day for so many women (and men, too; sometimes it’s easy to forget they are affected in a few of these areas, too).
in the same vein as when christmas is hard and when easter is hard, i wanted to take a little time to acknowledge the pain and reality and weirdness of this sunday for so many.
for those of you who:
suffered the devastating loss of a child
lost your mother and ache for her touch, her hug, her voice, her comfort.
were neglected or abandoned or abused by your mother and ache for the touch, hug, voice and comfort of the mom you dreamed of.
know intellectually there are lots of ways to mother but it definitely doesn’t feel like enough.
know the emptiness and ache of miscarriages.
desperately long for a child but have been unable to have one.
desperately long for not just a child but a partner to make one with.
are reminded of the trauma and drama and pain of a past abortion.
are remembering the child that you placed for adoption who you ache-for and dream-for and wonder-about.
are yet-again reminded of the collateral damage of divorce and what it feels like to mother alone.
have broken relationship with your children and are up-all-night-worrying-about-them-still or wish-they-would-call or are on-your-knees-daily-praying-for-sobriety-or-healing-or-hope for struggling daughters and sons.
have broken relationship with your mother and wish she’d know how much you want things to be better.
can’t stand to be on facebook or at churches-where-all-the-moms-stand-up or anywhere else that reminds you of your loss.
wish you could skip over this day completely.
feel needy, desperate, lonely, confused, sad, angry, empty, weird, off, weepy this mother’s day.
i just wanted to say that even though i don’t know exactly what you’re feeling, i know this: your loss is real and your ache isn’t crazy.
i am quite sure a handmade card won’t do much, but i made one anyway.
thinking of you this weekend, praying for peace and hope as you grieve and feel whatever you need to feel this mother’s day.
your loss is real and your ache isn’t crazy.
23 Comments
thanks Kathy
thanks for taking time to share.
Kathy, I needed this. Thank you, friend. xoxo
thanks, sarah. i am glad it helped somehow.
kathy, you have “mothered” me with your understanding. Thank you so much. I love you!
you too!
Kathy Escobar you just rock! I am so grateful to call you friend. Thank you for your emphatic being with.
thanks, lori.
You’ve done it again, Kathy — bless you.
back at you.
Thanks, Kathy.
love from colorado.
Thanks for heading off the grief with this beautiful bouquet of cHesed, sister!
thanks sister.
So good, and made me sob. I have come back and read several times. Today. xo
love you, my dear.
Hi, Kathy! I’m Julie’s mom & I remember you & your family very well! When I saw your name on your post, I wondered how many “Kathy Escobar’s” there might be & when I got to “Jose”, I KNEW it was you!! 🙂
What a beautifully written post, you are so gifted & blessed. I, too, lost a baby years ago, but know that I will meet him in heaven some day & will recognize him by his eyes.
Julie is now in Roseville, California, serving as the Jr High youth pastor in a new church plant for Bayside Church. Doug & I are in Allegan, Michigan, & are just starting a non profit called, Allegan Harvest Farm, for discipling men & teaching them to love & lead like Jesus, in a rural setting. We just closed on 64 acres & the 1st guy just moved into the apartment, attached to the machine shed. Lots of work to do!! 🙂
Blessings on your ministry & to your family, as well!! Take care!!
Cindy Rietema
it was awesome to hear from you. that’s so fun. love to you and julie and your familia. sounds like an amazing adventure.
I’m praying for all mothers today.
God Bless
thanks, adam.
Thank you for acknowledging that this day can be the most painful day for so very many.
Thanks for the reminder to look outward to other’s pain on this day, with a prayerful and thoughtful heart.
thanks for taking time to share, susan. oh, it was a rough one for so many i know.