making friends with disapproval

making friends with disapproval

thank you, those of you who took time to try the poll about capitalization here (sorry it didn’t work consistently) or sent me messages or comments. i really appreciate the feedback. bottom line: if i tally everything, nocaps wins but not by a ton. most people can go either way.

i knew it would probably be split like this; however, i think that i’m supposed to experiment with a change and see what it feels like. i can always change my mind back. it is really good practice for me to experiment and be open to change & flexibility because i tend to be a person who does things forever the same way just because that’s the way i’ve always done it.  it’s true–i don’t like capital letters and don’t use them for the most part and don’t ever plan to in my day to day.

at the same time, capital letters don’t make me not me.  

i’m still the same, and my words are still the same.

plus, the truth is i use them all the time when i write in other places and those pieces aren’t less-me.

so i am going to give capitals a spin here on blog posts for the next few months and see how it feels. it’s not because i feel pressure to conform or that i am losing my personal style or selling out. it’s that i know sometimes it’s hard for people to read these very-public posts and that’s worth considering.

thursday i’ll be back with a post that’s been stirring around in my head for the past month about shame & systems & spiritual abuse.

today, though, i thought i’d share a brief excerpt from the post i wrote for sheloves magazine’s september issue, centered on “lead” that’s up today. i write a down we go column for them every month, and usually i just put the link at the bottom of the most recent post here. however, in the spirit of living with disapproval and how important it is to get good at it, here’s a little excerpt:

...we will have to live with disapproval. 

It’s just that simple. There’s no way around it.

We will have to go to bed at night feeling vulnerable.

We will have to live with weird feelings like people don’t like us.

We will have to stand up against resistance that questions our gifts and roles.

We will have to have hard conversations that will drain us.

We will have to have our motives and sometimes our faith be challenged.

We will have to feel awkward using our voice and living with what we say.

We will have to resist our desire to delete that Facebook post or edit our blog entry because we are sure that it will make people uncomfortable.

We will have to wrestle with doubts about our abilities.

We will have to stand up and keep walking when we want to sit down or crawl again.

After all these years, it still happens to me. I leave certain situations feeling stupid. I preach a sermon at another church and wonder if they approve of me. I use my voice at a meeting and am sure that people were annoyed.

Yep, I am living with disapproval.

My guess is that a lot of us out here struggle with the same thing.

click here to read the whole post.  

i hate disapproval, but i’m learning to make friends with it.

i would love to hear your thoughts and am really looking forward to being back here this fall.

see you thursday!

peace, kathy


ps: i also wanted to highlight that i finally got the spiritual midwives section under the faith shift tab up, pointing toward some spiritual directors who can help journey through spiritual transitions.  i’ll be adding a few more, too, but this is a great start of some friends of mine who understand faith shifts & are wonderful companions and guides through the messy process.

Kathy Escobar

Kathy Escobar is dedicated to creating safe and brave spaces for transformation and healing in real life, online, and outside. She co-pastors at The Refuge, a hub for healing community, social action, and creative collaboration in North Denver, co-directs #communityheals, a non-profit organization dedicated to making spaces for transformation accessible for all, and is the author of Practicing: Changing Yourself to Change the World, Faith Shift: Finding Your Way Forward When Everything You Believe is Coming Apart and several other books.

One Comment

  • Standing with and under and behind you in this decision, sister. May it be a blessing to you and others as you stretch a bit. Had already read the post on disapproval. Yeah…I totally get that, too.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.